本文主要介紹來自Purdue University Writing Lab的關于論文寫作的電子資源中“學術寫作”的第一部分第七節“簡潔”。

1.簡潔

簡潔寫作的目標是使用最有效的詞匯。簡潔寫作不意味著總是使用最少的單詞，但是一定要使用最有效的單詞。寫作者通常用一些可以被刪除或替代的無效或不必要單詞填充語句。然而根據寫作情景，單詞和短語應該慎重地被選擇。就像糟糕的員工一樣，那些沒有完成足夠任務的單詞應該被解雇。當只剩下最有效的詞語時，寫作將會更加簡明易懂。

1.1更有力、更具體的單詞代替模糊的單詞

通常，作者會用幾個小的、模棱兩可的單詞去表達一個概念，這樣會很浪費精力，最好能用更少、更具體的單詞來傳達自己的觀點。一般來說，用詞越具體，寫作就越簡潔。由于名詞、動詞和形容詞的多樣性，大多數事物都具有密切對應的描述，通過頭腦風暴或同義詞典可以找到最適合描述特定實例的單詞。請注意下面的例子，它們在降低字數的同時傳達了更多的信息。

Example

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech. (14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8 words)

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her.(6 words)

Wordy: Our Website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist. (20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

Wordy: Working asa pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot.(20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience.(10 words)

1.2 質問句子中的每一個單詞

檢查每一個單詞，確保它們為句子提供了重要和獨特的信息。如果單詞很冗長，可以刪除和替換。下面展示的一些常見的例子中，包含了一些在句子中可以刪除的詞匯的案例。

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)

Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular. (66 words)

Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic. (32 words)

Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon.

(67 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss.(6 words)

1.3 合并句子

有些信息不需要放入一個完整的句子中，可以很容易的插入到另一個句子中并且不會丟失其原有的信息。要獲得更多的句子組合的策略，請參閱關于句子變化的講義。

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. (11 words)

Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24 words)

Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. (16 words)

2. 去除單詞

2.1 去除解釋明顯或提供過多細節的單詞

在起草和修改文章時，一定要考慮到讀者。如果文章所解釋和描述的細節對讀者來說已經十分明顯，那么要刪除或改寫它們。讀者也非常擅長填充敘述的非本質方面。如下面四個例子：

Wordy: I received your inquiry that you wrote about tennis rackets yesterday, and read it thoroughly. Yes, we do have. . . (19 words)

Concise: I received your inquiry about tennis rackets yesterday. Yes, we do have. . . (12 words)

Wordy: It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned. (29 words)

Concise: We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned (12 words)

Wordy: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.(27 words)

Concise: Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess. (9 words)

Wordy:After booking a ticket to Dallas from a travel agent, I packed my bags and arranged for a taxi to the airport. Once there, I checked in, went through security, and was ready to board. But problems beyond my control led to a three-hour delay before takeoff. (47 words)

Concise: My flight to Dallas was delayed for three hours. (9 words)

Wordy: Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of playon the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it.(77 words)

Concise: Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action. (11 words)

2.2 刪除不必要的限定詞和修飾語

作者有時行文會用到一個或多個額外的單詞或短語，這些單詞或短語似乎只是用來狹義的定義或修飾名詞的含義而不改變句子的含義，但是這種方式有時會阻礙作者的寫作。雖然這些單詞或者短語在適當的上下文銜接中是有意義的，但是它們經常會被用作“填充詞”，并且很容易被刪除。

Wordy: Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. (9 words)

Concise: Any dessert is fine with me. (6 words)

Wordy: Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. (14 words)

Concise: Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help. (10 words)

Wordy:For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. (26 words)

Concise: American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors. (11 words)

這里我們找到了一些通常可以刪除的詞匯和短語來使句意更清楚：

kind of

sort of

type of

really

basically

for all intents and purposes

definitely

actually

generally

individual

specific

particular

2.3 省略重復的措辭

注意那些重復的、有相似意思的單詞、短語或較長的段落。不建立在句子和段落內容上的單詞是沒有必要選擇的。

Wordy: I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short. (56 words)

Concise: Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming. (37 words)

Wordy: The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury. (10 words)

Concise: The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury. (9 words)

Wordy: Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday. (27 words)

Concise: Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods. (25 words)

2.4 刪除冗余的詞語

許多對單詞短語含義接近，如finish和complete，所以在大多數情況下用completely finish表達結束是多余的。以下一些短語也是如此：

1、past memories

2、various differences

3、each individual ______

4、basic fundamentals

5、true facts

6、important essentials

7、future plans

8、terrible tragedy

9、end result

10、final outcome

11、free gift

12、past history

13、unexpected surprise

14、sudden crisis

一個類似冗余的表達例如“very unique”，既然“unique”的意思是獨一無二的，那么添加“very”， “so”， “especially”， “somewhat”， “extremely”等修飾程度的單詞是不合邏輯的?！皍nique”是不分等級的，有些東西要么是獨一無二的，要么則不是。

Wordy: Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her future plans. (33 words)

Concise: Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her plans. (23 words)

2.5 省略多余的類別描述

具體的單詞往往指他們的一般的含義，所以我們不需特殊說明，我們都知道“周期”是指一段時間，“粉色”是一種顏色，“閃亮”是一種外觀。下面的一些短語中，一般的類別術語可以被刪除，只留下具體的描述詞

large in size

often times

of a bright color

heavy in weight

period in time

round in shape

at an early time

economics field

of cheap quality

honest in character

of an uncertain condition

in a confused state

unusual in nature

extreme in degree

of a strange type

Example

Wordy: During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance. (18 words)

Concise: During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars. (10 words)

Wordy: The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature. (16 words)

Concise: The microscope revealed a group of peculiar, round organisms. (9 words)

3. 改變短語

3.1 將短語改為單詞和形容詞

使用可以用一個單詞就可以表達的短語有可能導致贅述。盡可能將短語換成單個單詞。

Wordy: The employee with ambition... (4 words)

Concise: The ambitious employee... (3 words)

Wordy: The department showing the best performance... (6 words)

Concise: The best-performing department... (4 words)

Wordy: Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the department of data processing. (23 words)

Concise: At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department. (20 words)

Wordy: We read the letter we received yesterday and reviewed it thoroughly. (11 words)

Concise: We thoroughly read the letter we received yesterday. (8 words)

Wordy: As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything else is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns rather than verbs. (53 words)

Concise: As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases. (13 words)

3.2 將不必要的“that”，“who”，“which”子句改成短語

使用可以用短語就能表達的分句往往會增加句子的累贅感，盡可能將修飾從句轉換成短語或者單詞。

Wordy: The report, which was released recently... (6 words)

Concise: The recently released report... (4 words)

Wordy: All applicants who are interested in the job must... (9 words)

Concise: All job applicants must... (4 words)

Wordy: The system that is most efficient and accurate... (8 words)

Concise: The most efficient and accurate system... (6 words)

3.3 把被動句變為主動句

Wordy: An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. (7 words)

Concise: Mrs. Simms opened an account. (5 words)

Wordy: Your figures were checked by the research department. (8 words)

Concise: The research department checked your figures. (6 words)

4. 躲避常見的陷阱

4.1 避免在句首過度使用虛指詞

虛指詞是指it+ be-verb或there+ be-verb形式的短語。在某些情況下，這樣的表達可以在修辭上起到強調作用，但過度使用或不必要的使用會造成文章冗長。例如“It is imperative that we find a solution.”，同樣的意思可以用更加簡潔的措辭表達，“We must find a solution.”但是使用虛指詞結構可以強調情況的緊迫性，所以帶有虛指詞的句子可能會更可取。

不過，還是應該避免過度地使用虛指詞，最常見的虛指詞結構包括一個虛指詞后面跟著一個名詞和一個以that， which， who開頭的關系從句。在大多數情況下，可以通過消除虛指詞開頭，使名詞成為句子的主語，并且可以通過消除關系代詞來創造簡潔的句子。

Example

Wordy: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. (9 words)

Concise: The governor signs or vetoes bills. (6 words)

Wordy: There are four rules that should be observed: ... (8 words)

Concise: Four rules should be observed:... (5 words)

Wordy: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (15 words)

Concise: A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (12 words)

4.2 避免過度使用名詞形式的動詞

盡可能使用動詞而不是名詞形式，盡可能使用動詞而不是名詞形式，即名物化。名詞化較多的句子通常以be作為主要動詞。使用名詞化代替動作動詞作為主要動詞，而不是“be”的形式，有助于使文章引人入勝。

Wordy: The function of this department is the collection of accounts. (10 words)

Concise: This department collects accounts. (4 words)

Wordy: The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention. (10 words)

Concise:The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention. (8 words)

4.3 避免不必要的不定式短語

有些不定式短語可以轉化為限定動詞或簡短名詞短語。做這樣的改變也經常導致be-動詞被動作動詞取代。

Wordy: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it. (15 words)

Concise: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail. (8 words)

Wordy: A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service. (23 words)

Concise: A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction. (18 words)

4.4 避免拐彎抹角，直接表達

迂回表達通常是用幾個詞來表達本來可以更簡潔的意思。我們常常忽略它們，因為許多這樣的表達是習慣性的修辭格。但在書面寫作中，應該避免使用這些詞，因為它們添加了多余的詞語，卻沒有額外的意思。當然，有時為了修辭效果，你可能會決定使用虛指詞結構，而不是更簡潔的表達。這些指導原則應作為一般性建議，而不是絕對準則。